Summary
Dr. Alan Grant is recruited as a tour guide for a plane that will circle Isla Sorna, the second site for the Jurassic Park Theme Park, but when the plane lands, things get predictably complicated.
My Thoughts
For a long time, this movie had a reputation for being the worst in the Jurassic Park/World series. With the release of “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom”, and it being lambasted by critics, I thought I’d rewatch this one to see if I think that critique still holds true. Now, I can’t say this movie is good, but it is certainly better than the soft-reboot garbage that studios are throwing at us now. I can sum up my whole stance with three words: No Pet Velociraptors…
Alright, I guess we’re done here…
(SOME SPOILERS IN THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH)
Dr. Allan Grant (Sam Neill, “Possession”), now famous from his books about his escape from Isla Nublar, is happy in his work as a paleontologist, but funding, as always, is in short supply. When an estranged couple (William H Macy, “Fargo” and Tea Leoni, “Fun with Dick and Jane”) approaches Grant, offering fistfuls of cash to be their tour guide on a plane ride round Isla Sorna, the sister site to Isla Nublar, it’s impossible for him to refuse. But when the plane makes an unexpected landing, and the true reason for the couple’s visit is revealed- trying to rescue their lost son- the trip takes a predictably dark turn.
(SPOILERS END)
“I Don’t Care About the Stupid Plot, I Just Came to See People Get Eaten!”
I venture to guess that some studio executive muttered the above phrase after the lackluster “The Lost World” came out, and as a result, we get this. This movie is a streamlined version of the first “Jurassic Park”, only with more, more, MORE! Because, as we know, more is always better in storytelling. Where the first “Jurassic Park” takes nigh forty-five minutes for the first large dinos to appear on screen (I know there are baby ones earlier), this film features the first dinosaur kill about twenty-three minutes in, and it’s vicious; a man is gobbled up by a raging dino and his blood splashes across the windshield of a plane, streaking backwards across the glass in rivulets of red. This is not a good movie; but it’s perfect B-movie schlock.
There are hardly any moments of downtime throughout the entirety of the story; from the first attack, we’re catapulted into a dino-battle, and from there, it’s just one hectic chase scene after the other, with maybe five minutes in between each action set piece. As far as pacing goes, this film is a firework; the first twenty minutes is a fuse and then you’re rocketed towards an explosive finale. Though, this isn’t a film that’s like one of those ten dollar mortars you set off and it rattles your neighbor’s windows, it’s more like a five cent bottle rocket that barely makes enough noise to startle your dog. This is not a good movie; it’s perfect B-movie schlock.
Not As Stupider As Them New Sequels
This movie has a lot of dumb moments, but again, it’s perfect b-movie material. There are soooooo many plot-holes in this movie that if movies were houses this one would fall over due to structural damage. One of my favorite plot holes, and one that is totally glossed over in a hand-wavy fashion, is how Erick (Trevor Morgan, “The Sixth Sense”) survived on an island for almost eight freaking weeks by himself. He explains that he found a sunken bus in the middle of this swamp; made himself a ghillie suit; found some T-Rex pee to keep the big dinos away; and survived on candy bars (labels facing out for product placement) without any sort of issue. The T-rex pee is great, because Alan actually asks, “How did you get this?” And the kid responds, “You don’t want to know…” There are dozens of little holes like this, and the glossing over of tiny details just makes the film feel more and more ridiculous, and honestly, a little more fun. Yes, there are really stupid moments, and really stupid holes that make absolutely no sense… but… the dinosaurs still are frightening. Not frightening as in an “Exorcist” way, but frightening in an exhilarating way- it’s a stupid movie, but its fun. When Chris Pratt (“Guardians of the Galaxy”) trains velociraptors to kill the hybrid-rex, it takes away from the idea that raptors are terrifying, and in the previous three installments, raptors were the most terrifying thing in the movies. This movie, while it doesn’t really have any new ideas, at least makes the dinos scary, plus, in the close ups, a lot of the dinos are actually animatronic, and I’m a sucker for practical effects over CGI. Who cares if it looks a little plastic? At least the CGI won’t look so dated it’s nigh unwatchable.
Oh, also there’s a dream sequence where a raptor says "Allen." That's pretty darn stupid, but simultaneously really funny. It's also the only part of this movie I remembered before my re-watch.
Verdict
I’d argue this movie is still better than “Jurassic World” and, though I personally have yet to see “Fallen Kingdom”, I can almost guarantee it’s better than that too. This movie knows what Jurassic Park/World fans are after: dinos wreaking havoc, and that’s what it gives them. This movie is not good; but it’s perfect B-movie schlock.
Oh, you know what the biggest surprise of the movie was for me? Finding out this was co-written by two-time Oscar winner Alexander Payne (“Election”, “The Descendants”). I guess we all have to start somewhere, right?
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